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TPLU COMMENTARY
An Unusual Way to Loose Ones Appetite for Red Beans
By: D. Rawlinson
During a period of job searching on the Inter Net for possible interesting part time jobs with travel and adventure, I found an offer for such by the Fish and Game Commission of Canada—specifically, the Ontario Dept.
The job offer was: Wanted: Part time help with Grizzly Bear conservation effort, only the strong at heart need apply, Orphans preferred!!
Well folks!! That was Just down my line and it took only a few days until I was on my way and within 4 days of training and orientation on Grizzly Bear habits etc., I was in the field at work.
Now, let me interject some back ground here and I will get on to the reason for the title of this adventure.
Grizzly Bears, like all other species of bears, hibernate during the Winter; well folks—unlike humans, bears will not Defecate in their caves—Sooooo! During their long sleep period-- a rectal plug develops that blocks the natural process that would have them awaken to a cave soiled by defecation. Nature always has its built in mechanisms for reversing things and that is certainly true with the Grizzly Bears, as nature has provided the laurel leaves of a bush, that once ingested by the bears after awakening, quickly softens and flushes the rectal plug. In short time, I learned that there was a Blight this year on the laurel leaves in the Ontario wilderness area that the Grizzly Bears inhabited and that a number of bears that awoke first had already DIED of a plugged up Defecation system. The Fish and Game Dept. of Ontario saw it needed to act and act fast, as more and more bears were awakening and dieing daily.
What part would a Texas part time worker play to resolve the apparent Dilemma of the Grizzlies?? Well; here goes folks. The Fish and Game Commission naturalists had determined that with in the first 30 min.’s of awakening and emerging from their caves to ingest the NEEDED laurel leaves, the bears were very disoriented and all their senses of smell/sight etc. were very low. Not finding laurel leaves at the ground level was already usual for them, as other animals that had not slept thru the Winter would have already ingested those-- so the Grizzly’s come out stretching, many to their Full height of FIFFTEN feet!! But—the laurel leaf Blight had hit and NO laurel leaves were going to be found. The process that the naturalist developed was this: One hides outside a known Grizzly Bear winter hibernation location and once the Grizzly’s start coming out—usually, one ever other day or so, they start right out stretching up into tree branches for the laurel leaves they expect. The workers, of which—I was one, were trained to run up to the Grizzly’s and insert a long handled wooden spoon into the rectum of the bears and swiftly dislodge the rectal plug and then—Run like hell!! I did maybe 8 bears folks and gave it up—This was just not the type of adventure I was looking for.
However—being raised in a So. Texas family, the cooking of Red beans is done with a steering spoon that is a long handled wooden one!!!! UHGGGEEE!! Folks!! My days of using a Long handled wooden spoon for steering my beans is OVER!!
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Post Script:
I dropped to my butt and tore off my back pack, removing my tennis shoes and started changing from my hiking boots to them; Jean-Baptist was in a FIT!! He screamed at me: Rawlinson! Those damn tennis shoes are NOT going to help you out run those bears!! As I stood, ready to run, I told him that it was NOT the bears I intended to OUT RUN!!
As I write this story—No one has since seen Jean-Baptist?? I hope things come out all right for him in THE END.
IN SOLIDARITY,
T.P.L.U.
I and a fellow from Calcasieu Parish La.,-- Jean-Baptist, (another Extraction worker) and I got caught the last day by 2 Huge Grizzly’s that we were unaware of, which had come into the area in a MAD fit over looking for their First MEAT meal after waking up from months of slumber. Jean and I watched as the two Huge Grizzly’s reared up, tore at the air with their huge paws and teeth—THEN!! Started charging across the small water way between us and them. We had learned that this was the MOST dangerous time for us, that the bears were starving after waking up and we were MEAT—to be eaten.
DWIGHT RAWLINSON
National Secretary
C/O: Dwight Rawlinson
2121 So. 4th
Waco, Texas 76706
Copyright © 2009 TPNS
